


What the Future Holds

by zombiefishgirl



Series: Of Ardour and Adoration [33]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Trespasser Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 21:12:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4761167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiefishgirl/pseuds/zombiefishgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In light of recent developments Sarita and Cullen discuss the future after a moment of vulnerability.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What the Future Holds

**Author's Note:**

> This story does contain spoilers for the Trespasser DLC. Also this story is a sort of AU to my usual "Of Ardour and Adoration" series. Just me trying to work out my thoughts on the DLC so even though this follows the games canon more closely than the post Inquisition other stories in my series they still feature my Inquisitor Sarita Lavellan. Also I have never lost a limb so I sincerely hope that I managed to sensitively and accurately portray some of what Sarita might be feeling under these circumstances.

Sarita looked down at the blank space where the better half of her left arm had been. It was...odd looking there and seeing nothing. She probably would not be able to use a bow any longer which was a troubling thought but then again with no anchor and no Inquisition to lead she would probably be doing less fighting. It was a relief to no longer have the nerve searing pain of the mark flaring to life but still she had not expected to lose a limb on this trip to Orlais. A small insecure part of her worried if it bothered Cullen. They had only just gotten married, his hands clasping hers and now there was a piece of her missing. He always used to joke that he loved her hands, so much smaller than his and now she just had the one. It would be difficult getting used to thngs like getting dressed one handed too. He had grimly helped secure the sleeve up for the last meeting not commenting on the stump. She did not know if she was relieved or not. She remembered how he had blanched on seeing her brought back through the mirror, delirious and in pain. Blood spilling from the wound where Cassandra has severed the limb to save her life. The bleeding staunched as best it could be with some of Dorian's silks.

Varric had said something about finding her a prosthetic arm, so she would not feel so lopsided he had joked. Dwarven craftsmanship he assured her, it would look and be shaped like her original arm, it might even have some limited functionality so that was something. He made another joke, one about painting a green slash on the palm when it arrived and she managed to smile weakly. It would be a while yet before that could arrive though.

She looked appraisingly at herself in the mirror. Legs still shapely and toned. Skin still creamy smooth. Breasts still pert and perky. Lips still full. Eyes still green and full of life. Raven hair still flowing in soft, loose curls. Still her eye kept being drawn back to what was missing.

She was being ridiculous she knew. There were much larger concerns to deal with than this. Disbanding the Inquisition would take work. There was all she had learned about her "Gods" and the monsters her people had been tricked into worshipping for so long. All she had believed had been turned on its head in an instant. And there was Solas of course. Solas with his plans that she very much hoped to be able to dissuade him from. And here she was worrying over a missing limb.

The Mabari that had adopted Cullen let out a huff of air before standing and padding on heavy feet out of the room. Unbidden tears had started to flow down her cheeks and she took a shuddering breath trying to control herself. Cullen followed the dog back into their room just as she fell to her knees, weeping.

His heart lurched, there was no guarantee that the removing the limb would stop the damage the anchor had already done. She had been so close to death when brought back. He could not lose her, he would not. He cleared the room in two purposeful strides and sank to his knees in front of her checking her for any sign of bleeding or distress.

"Sarita what is it? Are you in pain? How much? I will send for the healers at once..." He went to stand and she clung to him desperately with her remaining hand.

"No. No pain. I am being silly, it is nothing. Really I am fine." She tried to smile to reassure him but could not quite hide the sadness in her eyes.

He brushed the tears from her cheeks with a thumb. "Talk to me. Please my dove."

"I am just being silly, really. I just..." She lowered her eyes, not quite meeting his gaze. "Are you still attracted to me?" All in one breath she pushed out the question currently occupying her mind.

He was silent for a moment. It had honestly not occurred to him that she could think he would not be. It even took him a few minutes to realise why she might think that. A silence that she took as confirmation of her fears.

"It is alright if you are not...I mean...I understand...I--"

He cut her off with a searing kiss, one strong arm holding her tightly around the waist.

"I will never not be attracted to you. You are the love of my life Sarita and without a doubt the most beautiful, enticing and intoxicating woman I have ever known. You could lose all your limbs and be covered in scars and I would still have to struggle to keep my hands off of you. We have been together for some years now but a simple smile from you can still make my heart race like that first kiss out on the battlements."

She was still not entirely convinced, she wanted to believe him, she did but there was still that small piece of niggling worry in the back of her mind. "Are you honestly telling me that *this*" she gestured to her stump with a nod, "does not bother you at all?"

"Honestly? I am relieved by it. Time and time again I have seen you thrust into the path of danger because of the mark you bore. People using you as a bartering chip, a political tool and a weapon with no concern for the remarkable woman you are. Maker's breath I had to put you in harms way because of it when all I wanted to do was keep you safe and warm in my embrace. I saw how much pain you have been in the past year with the mark. Crying in your sleep. Waking up in agony stifling a scream. My heart broke in that last meeting when it flared up even worse than before and you said that you did not want to die because you had voiced my greatest terror. Cassandra told me too of how while travelling through the mirrors you could barely go a dozen steps without falling in pain. Now the mark is gone and you have lost part of an arm, yes but for so long I feared losing all of you so this, whatever happens next, being married to you, starting a life together apart from the Inquisition with our dog and perhaps some children? It is more than I ever dared to hope for." He finished this impromptu speech by pressing a gentle kiss to the spot just above where the bandages started. Being careful not to hurt her but wanting to show her that the wound did not repulse him as she had feared.

He pressed his forehead against hers and watched as her eyes softened. "So, children hmm?"

"I hope that was not presumptuous..."

"No, not at all I would like that. But do we really want to start a family knowing what Solas has planned?"

"I lost ten years of my life to fear and distrust of magic and mages. Allowing those fears to twist me into someone cruel and full of hate. Now that I have you, I do not want to postpone our happiness because of what might or might not happen. I do not want to put our life on hold. I have faith that you will convince him of the folly of his plans and if not, I have faith that we will stop him. But that is tomorrow and I do not want to waste a single one of our todays."

She pressed herself against him, her husband, catching his lips in a deep kiss. Smiling to herself as she felt him harden against her. As they sank further onto the floor together in a tangle of odd numbered limbs she thought back to what Cole had said all those years ago. "Safe and solid. Protecting and proud. He feels like quiet. Stronger, when you hold him."

What Cole had left out was that she was stronger too, when held by him.


End file.
